Thursday, October 2, 2008

Revision Plan for Project One

EDIT
1. I will change / add information to my introduction to better capture my audiences attention and
2. I will create better paragraph transitions to guide my reader so they can "see" my journey
3. My second to last paragraph contains mucho "unpacking", I will work on that, throwing too much information at the reader at once is a bad thing, I will spread it out more / draw out the paragraph.

REVISE
1. I will cut out the use of vague words, such as "this, it, like.. etc" from my sentences
2. I will add more of a d"so what" to my last paragraph
3. In the end I will touch back on my ordinary world

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